Wait, did I just say “the holidays after infertility?” I did – and hear me out. Surviving the holidays during infertility is its own battle. Constantly dodging seemingly-innocent questions that cut you to your core. Wanting to avoid people, but also feeling left out if you’re not invited. It’s a lot to get through. But those feelings don’t necessarily go away when you finally have the child and family you’ve fought so hard for.
The feelings are different, and for some people, it is pure joy. But for many, it’s a mix of a lot of emotions all at once. You deserve to have your joy protected, and to celebrate your love in the way that feels best for you and your family. I want to validate your feelings.
Do What Is Best For Your Family
If you want to participate in all of the holiday events, get-togethers, and more with your child – do it! But if you prefer to stay home and spend time with your individual family alone, that’s okay too. There is so much pressure, especially around the holidays, to spend time with family and friends. This can be both self-inflicted, and come from external pressures. And I’m here to say – DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU.
You have fought so hard to have this family of yours, and you deserve to make the holidays your own. And it can change from day-to-day or year-to-year. Sometimes you can go to the events, other times you can stay home. Some years you can go full out, and other years you can need to be more low-key. There is NO “correct” way to do the holidays.
And the holidays can make a lot of things come up as well. It can bring up grief, loss, and pain from your path to parenthood. Your grief and joy can simultaneously exist, it can live together. It often does.
This Is Your Family
It is also the time of year where people continue to ask inappropriate, pressing questions about your family. If you have one child, when are you having another one? Two children – maybe you’re okay, but if they’re the same gender, you better keep going. Three kids, people tend to leave you alone, unless again you have all the same gender. How dare you. It’s clearly something you should have controlled better. And it goes on.
They are wrong. This is your family, and you do not deserve to deal with this constant pressure and seemingly never-ending expectations of what a family “should” look like. So if that’s adding to your holiday grief – you don’t have to put up with it. Kindly decline to be around those people, or simply walk away from the conversation. I can guide you through this, and help you come up with a plan for this situation, and so many more.
And remember, “no” is a complete sentence.
