When people say negative things about surrogacy, I’ve been told to stay quiet. Ignore it. Move on. Enjoy my beautiful family. And those are the comments from people who are kind.

I have also heard a lot of terrible things. I’ve been told that my child is permanently damaged. That he was ripped from the womb of his true, real mother. I have been told that he will always want to know his real mom. People have said that I forced a woman to give birth for me. I’ve been called vain and selfish. And I’m leaving out the worst ones.

Let’s Be Clear

So let me clear something up – I will never be quiet. I talk about surrogacy loudly and often. Because it is a BEAUTIFUL thing. I am PROUD. I am not ashamed. And my child is not ashamed to be born that way. He was born from SO much love. And he is MY child. We desperately wanted him, and two families (ours and our surrogates’) came together to make that happen. We were able to create his embryo, and our surrogate carried him into this world.

She made a choice to help a family – a choice that I am forever grateful for. Grateful is not even a strong enough word. But it was a choice, nonetheless. I did not have a choice. Did I choose surrogacy? Technically, yes – but it was after a lot of loss, heartbreak, pain, grief, and more. I suffered for years through infertility, recurrent loss, canceled cycles, failed transfers, endless appointments and blood tests and more. But I would not wish my journey on my worst enemy… well, maybe on the Pope. I do wish he had to endure that torture. Maybe then he would understand. Maybe then he would empathize.

Here’s The Problem

But people should not have to endure what I did to understand how beautiful surrogacy really is. And here is the base of the problem – if you don’t “believe” in surrogacy, you have the definition wrong. It’s not that I’m just sharing an opinion here – I’m sharing FACTS. It is a FACT that surrogacy is wonderful. It is a FACT that surrogacy is not at all related to human trafficking or the exploitation of women.

Do these things happen? Absolutely. And that’s horrific. But that’s completely separate from surrogacy. THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING AT ALL. So STOP justifying your hatred of this beautiful option for family building with LIES.

Surrogates CHOOSE to help families. They do this because they are more empathetic than most people will ever understand. They are compensated where it is legal. And they should be. But the irony is, that if you try to ban it, it will only harm these incredible women trying to help out families, and it will harm the families that desperately want children.

Sharing Forever

I will continue to share about surrogacy FOREVER. I will share until people realize the ACTUAL definition and meaning of surrogacy. And for those who still don’t believe, open your eyes. Open your ears. Be open to a new definition. Because the current definition you have is a complete lie – and someone needs to correct you.

Surrogacy isn’t easy. It’s complicated for everyone involved. But not for the reasons that naysayers think. I wish I could have carried my son. And it’s a big decision for someone to help a family in that way. But surrogate’s do not want to keep the baby. It’s not their baby to keep. And the baby is NOT DAMAGED.

But don’t you DARE come at us and our children with those lies. Don’t you DARE tell my baby boy that there is something wrong with him because of the love that carried him into this world. I have three boys – one via IVF, one via surrogacy, and one via sex. Do not tell my third child that he is superior because I got pregnant with him the “natural” way. It’s all natural. It’s all beautiful. They are all my miracles – and don’t you dare try to tell me, them, or anyone else otherwise. YOU are wrong.

LISTEN UP. Surrogacy. Is. Love.