Three years ago today, my second son was born via surrogacy on my 32nd birthday. It was pure magic. So today, I wanted to share the full birth story of my second little love.

Every single birth story is different. There are so many ways a child can enter this world. Every child has their own, unique beginning. For us, my middle son’s beautiful birth story was finally possible thanks to our amazing surrogate, after my husband and I endured years of IVF treatments and recurrent pregnancy loss.

I specifically say “my husband and I”. My body experienced it physically, but both of us endured all of that pain. It was our shared, horrible experience. And then, it finally became our shared, beautiful experience.

Advocating for My Family

I will tell the birth story shortly, but the pregnancy is important too. Our surrogate, Madison, finally became pregnant with our son in March 2020. As you probably know, that’s when COVID shut down the world. It marked the beginning of a pandemic.

The day before she began medications to prepare for the embryo transfer (to ideally become pregnant), I got the call. Our cycle had been canceled due to the pandemic shut downs. I was upset, but mainly, I was angry. How dare they do this? How could this be happening to us? Another setback? More bad news?

So I advocated for my family – again. I remember this so vividly. Pacing back and forth in the alleyway behind our house, I begged the nurse to let this cycle continue. She kept pushing back, so I asked the question that changed our lives. “Are you canceling every cycle, or just the cycles for surrogates?”.

She said just surrogates. “Okay, would I be able to continue if my body could carry this pregnancy? What would happen if I could stay pregnant? This is because I need a surrogate to help us have our child? That’s discriminatory. We are not new patients. If both she and I are comfortable with continuing, you need to let this cycle continue.” She agreed.

Some Very Special Dates

Two weeks later, our surrogate had the embryo transfer for our son. We weren’t allowed to go because of the pandemic, but she was incredibly thoughtful with a video call and taking videos to ensure we felt included. 10 days after that, on April 23rd, we got the call – she was pregnant. Our baby boy #2 was finally on the way!

And that date was already significant for us. On April 23, 2016, I had my first egg retrieval. On this day, we created our first set of embryos, including our first son and this little boy growing with our surrogate. They were conceived on the same day, even though they were be born almost 4 years apart! One from my body, and our second via surrogacy. If that doesn’t prove that science is magical, I don’t know what does.

For many, this seems routine, but if you’ve been through infertility and loss, this is a HUGE deal. We were extremely anxious, awaiting the video from Madison to confirm our baby was okay. My husband and I sat next to each on our bed, ready to press play on the video that just came through.

And there it was…his heartbeat. It was absolutely perfect, one of the most beautiful sounds I’ve ever heard in my life. He was healthy, safe. He was real. We were finally having our second child.

Surrogacy During A Pandemic

Throughout the whole pregnancy, we weren’t allowed to go to any appointments because of the pandemic. Madison would send videos for each appointment. I would try to meet her outside of the doctor’s office for a quick hello. We rarely saw each other due to health concerns and constraints, but we talked very regularly via text, and she always made sure to include us in each stage of the pregnancy, which I am forever grateful for.

It wasn’t the way anyone expects to experience the pregnancy of their own child – from the sidelines. But it’s our story, and all I cared about in that moment was that our son was healthy and thriving, and our surrogate was healthy and safe.

When Madison was about 35 weeks pregnant, she asked if she could be induced to give birth, instead of waiting for birth to begin on its own. She asked me this question. I said, “I appreciate you asking so much, and I know it’s our son, but it’s your body – if you want to be induced, that’s completely your decision!”. I was clear – I would never tell her how to give birth with her own body. And she agreed!

The Final Countdown

I met her outside of her next appointment, when the doctor would give her a realistic date for the induction. Again, this memory is extremely vivid. “He said that he will induce me the morning of December 18th, because otherwise he’ll be out of town for a week, and then I would just be waiting until the due date – is that okay? I would much rather not wait the extra 7-10 days, since he said that the 18th is perfect!”. I started to laugh, and then quickly realized that this reaction made no sense to her, as she looked confused and concerned.

“I’m so sorry!”, I clarified. “I’m only laughing because that’s my birthday too! The induction date would be on my birthday.” She offered to try to change it, but I said absolutely not. If the doctor picked that date, I don’t want to have any say in it.

This might sound strange to other people, but I did not want to have a say in decisions like that because if something went wrong, I didn’t want to blame myself. I needed to let go of control once again, so I could also let go of responsibility in case of disaster. Of course, we were hopeful and so happy – but it was hard to believe that he was really real, and really okay, until he was born and in our arms.

Prepping for the Birth

Over the next few weeks, we anxiously waited to see if Madison would go into labor on her own, or if the birth would take place on the 18th. With surrogacy and infertility in general, there is a very large lack of control, so for all of us involved, induction helped give us some element of control. It allowed us to set up childcare for our first son (who was almost 4), preparing for how we would get to the hospital, and more. It made everything feel calmer, and it made us all feel more prepared.

This was December 2020, so the pandemic was still in full swing. Luckily, we were at a very surrogacy-friendly hospital, and my brother-in-law did rotations as a pediatrician in the maternity ward, so he helped us with who to contact to explain our situation.

Prior to the induction date, I was able to clarify the plan that Madison and I had agreed on. Her husband and I would be in the delivery room with her throughout the whole day, and my husband would be allowed to use the nearby waiting room (which had been closed to anyone since March). This enabled me to keep my husband updated, and make sure he made it to the room in time for delivery. We would both be there to witness the birth of our son – and I’m extremely grateful this was possible, even then.

Most people take it for granted that they can witness the birth of their child, but this was something we had to advocate for, and I’m very glad we did. On the morning of December 18th, my 32nd birthday, we showed up at the hospital ready to finally meet our son.

And finally, the birth story…